Game: Bully (PS2) & a Rockstar Retrospective

First off, $40 is not a bad price to spend for a brand new game. I happened to stalk it run across it at Target. Not sure if it was on sale or not; I snatched it up simply because I am an opportunist.

I have played many, many Rockstar games over the years. I played Grand Theft Auto back in 1998, when it was still 2D, having scored a pirate version in a Singapore tech mall for $5. That was not a good thing. I was turned off to the notion of playing a silly 2D maze game on a laptop. The subject matter was interesting, but it just wasn’t that good, really. Grand Theft Auto probably wasn’t that intriguing to me because I grew up in the ghetto. The notion of stealing cars and (later) beating up hookers just seemed stereotypical and tired to me. This spoiled my expectations of every release of GTA that followed for several years to come.

In 2000, Bungie released a game called Oni. Inspired by Ghost in the Shell, Oni was a mesmerizing 3rd person shooter that played like a fine piece of anime film and kept me up late for days. I remember seeing the Rockstar logo on the loading credits of the game. Okay, so maybe they deserved a second chance? It was the beginning of a long love affair with their products.

These are the Rockstar games I’ve played (in somewhat chronological order) and how I rate them:

• GTA – 4/10. Frustrating, ugly, pixelated 2D mess. This game stressed me out and turned me off to the entire series.

• ONI – 9/10. The only improvement they could have made with this game was to make it multi-player. This was one of the first games to truly entrance me. Now I’m like a junkie, always looking to match that initial fix to satisfy my addiction. This game was before its time. It illustrated what could be done when you merged great cinematography with excellent gameplay. To this day, few games ever reach this level of synergy.

• Midnight Club: Street Racing – 8/10. Not bad, for a first generation console racing game. Unfortunately, the difficulty level ramped up a bit too fast for me to really get into it, but I chalked it up to my own old age, rather than a flaw in the game. This was one of the first games to showcase street racing and an LA car culture sensibility. Many have imitated it since, but most have humorously failed–think SRS (Street Racing Syndicate), with its semi-pornographic, stripper cutscenes.

• GTA II – Not memorable. I remember picking this game up and hardly playing it at all. It seemed like just more of the same, stressful nonsense I had played last time, only with better graphics. Okay, so maybe I didn’t give it a chance.

• GTA III – 9/10. Impressive, but beating up hookers and beating down gangsters with baseball bats left a lot to be desired. Still, the gameplay was a masterpiece.

• State of Emergency – 6/10. This felt like GTA, only more clumsy. I never got into it, though I was starting to appreciate the free-roaming elements and I distinctly remember enjoying the run and gun gameplay.

• Midnight Club II – 9/10. This really showed what the PS2 could do. Nothing could compete with this for sheer fun arcade racing … until Need For Speed Underground, that is.

• Manhunt - 10/10. This is truly a masterpiece. I nearly went insane playing this in the dark. And though I could never get into beating up hookers with a baseball bat in GTA, I sure as hell did enjoy beheading racists in a junkyard with the razor wire. Who knew?

• GTA: San Andreas – 8/10. Okay, so this is a great game. Unfortunately, the racial stereotypes really started to grate on me. It became entirely evident that this was a game for which I was not the intended audience (being an educated minority male). Although I was not offended by it (and in retrospect maybe I should have been), it did make me oddly feel like an outsider. I mean, for the first time in a game, I had the opportunity to play a minority character, but at the same time I was being asked to play as if I were a white teenage male who was playing a minority character. Mindblowing.

• The Warriors – 6/10. Adventure Fighting. Excellent movie tie-in, but the fighting was a bit cludgy, and it got really repetitive way too soon. The marketing budget for this game could have probably paid to send every gang member in the country to college on a 4 year scholarship. Ultimately, I was disappointed.

• Midnight Club 3: Dub Edition Remix – 9/10. Arcade Racing. Fun beyond belief, but it did get a bit too challenging after a while. The soundtrack to this game is astonishing, but even it has limitations when it’s trying to be everything to everybody. From Techno to Reggae, Hip-Hop to Punk Rock, this game has a little bit of everything and not enough of anything. Nevertheless, when I picked this up, I had no clue I would lose a month of my life.

And finally, we come to Bully, Rockstar’s latest release, which has gotten a ton of bad press even prior to production. It was partially the bad press which has led me to buy this game, in fact.

I do not believe in censorship. Period. I especially don’t believe in calls to ban a game before it has been played. My decision to buy this game brand new is almost entirely inspired by my desire to spite those same folks who would like to ban games, or blame any and all of society’s ills on gaming. Not only do I find that mindset offensive, but I find it threatening to the fabric of our national identity.

So long as this is a free country, my intention is to give an unbiased opinion of the game based only on my experience with it, having played it through a couple of sittings. Because $40 may not be much money to most people, but it is to me, and I know most teens don’t want to spend that money on a game that sucks.

Disclaimer: I haven’t played through the entire game. Nor have I ever felt a decent review required a total walk through of a game. In general, you can tell within the first 5 hours if you will enjoy a game or not.

To put it bluntly, this game is good. It is definitely worth the money. I have only gotten through 10% of the game after 5 hours of playing. That translates to high replay value. Graphics are decent (not stunning), precisely what is to be expected from a PS2 title. Controls are nice, though not customizable. Fighting and skateboarding seem fairly intuitive, but I would have liked the ability to change my button configurations. That’s just a basic expectation of a game these days, as far as I’m concerned.

Perhaps the strongest part of Bully is the incredible storyline. There are plenty of missions here, but you are always brought back to the schedule of attending classes (with plenty of time for mischief in between).

Unfortunately, there are a few negatives to consider:

1. Load Times – The game has to load every time you enter or leave a building. And the load times are horrendous. This is compounded by being on a PS2. Sad. Load Times (for a perfect game score from Propaganda Sifter) need to be minimal!
2. Some funky camera – Rockstar is great at giving us the free-range camera. Unfortunately, there are some minor issues with it this time around. There were several times when the camera became a nuisance in the midst of trying to run away from danger. One moment I’m behind the character, and the next I’m in front of him looking backwards. This, of course, is disastrous to a review score by this Propaganda Sifter.
3. Repetition – Okay, so 5 hours isn’t a lot of time to invest into a game, but there are already elements of tedium starting to rise up in the gameplay. When a game becomes too much like a job, it ceases to be fun. This is the main reason why I hate The Sims series. But for people who are into micromanagement and resource re-allocation, this might be entirely their cup of tea.
4. Sub-par Art Design – Okay, so I’m supposed to believe this kid is 15 years old, right? So why does he look like he’s 12? At one point, the Principal raises his hand and the poly count is so dreadful that it looks like he’s wearing mittens!
5. Deja-Vu – Okay, so it’s more of a pet-peeve than an actual flaw in the game. But at some point–if you are out of high school, that is–you will most likely start to feel disturbed by this game. There are moments that will seem familiar and maybe even a little uncomfortable.

Bully is an exercise in being able to replay your high school years, only this time it’s more treacherous. If you are still in high school, you probably won’t enjoy this game. The ethical and moral dilemmas the main character has to endure are ultimately more satisfying if you’ve had to make these decisions in the real world. Congratulations to Rockstar for giving us a game that lets us be who we want to be. If we want to be thugs, we have that choice. If we want to be nerdy, we can pursue that as well. The choice is up to us. And frankly, I’m glad I live in a country where I still have a choice to make those decisions. Ultimately, This might be a good game for teenagers to play. They have a chance to see the outcome of their own decisions, be they ethical or unethical, before they make them.

One thing is certain: this game is tame, compared to some of the other fare Rockstar has produced. Maybe it’s time to lay off them and let them do what they do best? Because I’d really enjoy the chance to live out my fantasies of becoming a crooked politician, for once. I have a feeling Rockstar could pull it off, if anyone could.

Sifted: 8/10

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10 Cars That Should be Remade Today

To put it simply, car manufacturers need to wake up. Especially American car makers. Detroit continues to slip in the ratings. Unbeknownst to them, this has little to do with the quality of the cars they are producing. After all, most people these days don’t keep their cars for more than 5 years anyway. Why would quality be a factor to such a fickle market?

Lately, most people buy cars for the coolness factor, as well as to satisfy their need to reminisce. Good design is what sells cars today. On that note, here are several cars that manufacturers should be focusing on. Because if the reintroduction of the VW Bug and the Mini Cooper are any indication, there are several models that have attained an archetypal status with the consumer. These cars, for whatever reason, hit a mark with buyers. People like them. And the quicker these cars are remade, the more succesful the car makers will be.

10. Toyota MR2 (80’s model)
Who knows what fueled the success of the 80’s MR2’s. They were not especially fast. What they did do was capture a certain post-modern flavor that people liked. The angular body and the pop-up headlights were charming. This car looked fast on a budget. The rear engine was a nifty novelty that survives well into today with their slightly larger Spyder model. The compact nature of this car made for fun driving. With today’s safety features, it would be a certain hit.

9. Jaguar E-Type
On the higher end, but a definite remake candidate for the same reason as the MR2. It was fun to drive. And nothing seemed to exude style as much as the Jaguar. Since the US now owns this brand, it would be wise for them to can the Oldsmobile-looking thing and roll an updated version of this out for all those new Wall Street high-rollers.

8. Citroen DS
Perhaps no car on this list screams to be remade as loudly as the Citroen DS. This car drips class. With today’s safety features, the Citroen could be the new American family car. Just look at the comfortable interior with that enormous, panoramic view. Who wouldn’t enjoy a roadtrip in a car like this?

7. BMW 2002
Yet another masterpiece of engineering. The BMW 2002 was the most affordable BMW around. As such, it functioned as a gateway to the higher end models. Is there anything being produced by BMW that fits this function today? What made the BMW 2002 so great was a solid, quality interior. The simplicity of the engine is well-renowned to this very day. Remake it, dammit!

6. The Honda Civic (1977)
Nothing could tear into the youth market better than an ultra-mini vehicle like this. With today’s tech, a car like this could be made that got 70+ MPG. So where is it? Spare us the bright plastic and aerodynamic shell of the modern Civics. This is what we really want! Only more modern.

5. VW Bus
Do some people not learn from their success? VW, perhaps moreso than any other car maker, seems to understand the zeitgeist of car making. After all, this is the company that has given us the Bug and is currently rewrapping the Golf in shiny new metal for our consumption. But this all really begs the question: why haven’t they remade the BUS? Sure, there might be safety issues, but with today’s modern airbag systems, this car is begging to be remade for a new generation that has lost touch with the smell of patchouli. Just think of what you could do to this car with some tinted glass and 20″ dub wheels.

4. Pontiac Trans Am
Because every man in his 30’s wants to relive Smokey and the Bandit. There is no car that oozes cool moreso than the 1977 Trans Am. I don’t know what drugs the people at Pontiac are on, but they clearly need to dump the ugly G series and get back in touch with the 70’s. note: okay, so the Solstice is hot; don’t let it go to your heads.

3. Honda CRX
Why ruin a good thing? The Honda CRX got killer gas mileage and it was zippy as all get out. Whoever decided to kill this model should have been given the hara-kiri treatment. Not only would CRX’s make great tuner cars, they would appeal to students who want cooler alternatives than their parent’s hand-me-down minivans. The CRX is a truly hot car that is begging to be brought back from the dead to reclaim its place in the pimp pantheon.

2. DeLorean DMC 12
Too bad DeLorean had that coke problem in the 80’s. But if his “issue” was the inspiration behind the DMC 12, I forgive him. Because there has clearly not been a car made since that is this far ahead of its time. There was a reason it played center stage in all those Back to the Future movies: because it looks like it should have been made today, not back in the 80’s. Gull-wing doors, aluminum stainless steel exterior, this car should be remade just to show it can be done even better with today’s technology. In fact, I dare you to try!

1. Toyota Supra (Mark IV) 1993-2002
Who knows when Toyota lost their minds and decided to abandon this great vehicle to leave behind the crappy, gutless Celica. Ever since, however, tuner fanboys have been pining for the glory days of the Supra. Rightfully so. The turbo version of this car could do 180 MPH with all stock parts! This car is one of the most popular tuner cars available. For under $1000 US, the stock horsepower could be cranked up from 320 to 500+. If anyone ever offers to sell you one, snatch it up real quick like, as they are rare. Toyota stopped producing these in the US in 1998 and cut off production in Japan in 2002.

These are just a few of my personal favorites. Do you have any? Let me know in the comments.

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Kid Scooter

Am I the only one who thinks toys like these are a bad idea? The Razor Pocket Mod Bistro Scooter is available at Toys R Us for a mere $150. Features:

• Can go up to 10 miles on a single charge.
• Can reach speeds up to 15 MPH (incidentally, that kid isn’t wearing the proper helmet for a motorized vehicle).
• Carrying capacity of up to 220 lbs.

I’m all for giving kids mobility, but let’s face it–kids don’t have driver’s licenses! Not to mention, children are fat enough as it is. Why on earth would you want to encourage their laziness by giving them one of these instead of a normal bicycle?

So, you’re hearing it here first: when your kid gets flattened by a Hummer, don’t come crying to the rest of us.

Strip Club Mapper (NSFW)

Finally, something useful!

[Strip Club Maps]

Gee, ya think maybe Portland has a strip club shortage?

The Democrats’ First 100 Hours

Now this is a noble pursuit. It will be interesting to see if it’s just a bunch of hot air.

[The Democrats' 100 Hour Pledge]

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The Next Generation of Bands – Birdy Nam Nam

I never thought I'd live to see the passing of the guard, but bands are truly done now. They are old technology, antiquated, outmoded, cliché.

This has been a long time coming.

The problem is: what do you call this post-modern smorgasbord of audio-pastiche? Watch the videos and understand just how far music has come.

They can play Jazz. They can play Electronica. Trip-Hop. Downbeats. They are Birdy Nam Nam. 

Did you buy her book yet?

Get it while the propaganda and divisiveness is still fresh!

Power to those who oppose wholesale oppression (and even murder) of others to support their own foul, amoral ideals. I don't know what book you're reading, but that truly is GODLESS in mine.

Oldboy (2004) — The Greatest Revenge Film Ever Made!

Imagine a film with: a dreary, lame attempt to dig your way out of a cell over several years using nothing but a chopstick; hallucinations of ants that will literally make your skin crawl; blood, and more blood; the ugliest wallpaper you've ever seen; an octopus eaten alive; one of the most insane acts of revenge ever filmed; a character who cuts off his own tongue (there's gotta be a word for that somewhere); and the best fight scene that has been filmed in years, as the main character–armed with only a hammer–takes on an entire gang in the confines of a very narrow hallway in such a way that reminds you of The Last Supper.

Imagine you've been imprisoned for 15 years. You haven't had any contact with another human being in that entire time. Just you in a room, watching tv, seeing yourself framed for your wife's murder.

Finally, you are released back into the world, a fugitive, with only one thing on your mind: finding the people who did this to you and making them pay. Sure, it sounds cliché, but the plot congeals.

Thus begins the best revenge story ever made.

4.75/5. It would have scored a perfect 5, were it not for a few things lost in translation. Fortunately, it's been dubbed fairly well, so you won't have to squint to read subtitles.

This is a film that begs to be remade stateside. Pay attention Hollywood!

German Engineering in Da House!

These spots are hilarious! Apparently, this same marketing company has done some recent work with Burger King and Mini Cooper.

V-Dub was long overdue for a brand makeover that would appeal to the youth market. Beside that, the cars look sweet.

Nightwatch

Few foreign films can ever handle the subject of vampires without ladling out the cheese; Nightwatch is a pleasant exception. Playing more like a comic book than that other comic-based fare that’s currently getting all the buzz in theaters right now, Nightwatch wants desperately to reinvent the vampire myth and succeeds, to a certain degree.

The gyst of this film is the cliché of good vs. evil, light vs. dark. On one side you have the evil vampires, and on the other you have the good Nightwatchers. These two feuding groups have come to a truce, until now. Perhaps the plot is a bit stunted and predictable, but there’s enough here to entertain the passing cinema-goer.

Though Nightwatch doesn’t manage to push the envelope much, it is a shocking surprise that it emerged from Russia and viewers will enjoy the dystopic, dark backdrop that seems to infect the very celluloid of this film. If you are a vampire junkie or someone with more than passing interest in Foreign cinema, this movie is a must-see. Otherwise, wait for video.

3.5 out of 5 stars.

P for Pancetta

Maybe a good Italian dinner would have been much better than a movie that uselessly muses over fascism and political intrigue?

V for Vendetta is a stylistic masterpiece, with decent acting and a strong story line. Yet, it doesn’t congeal. Much of the problem lies with the convoluted dialog, most of it muffled through the mask of the hero, V. We hate to say it, but Vendetta could have used some considerable dumbing down, especially if it intends to truly speak to the masses in sharing its vision of revolution. The underlying message of the film is that the masses are good and can overthrow a fascist government via explosions and pretty fireworks. Unfortunately, the masses won’t understand most of the dialog in this film.

P for Pancetta. Maybe they shoulda just called it bacon?

3 out of 5 stars.

Begs a Rewrite of the Adam & Eve mythos….

The snake said to Eve: “go ahead and implant it, it’s just a silly little microchip!”